Flush the shit…hypothetically, of course 

Hawaii life is amazing! Hilo is like a little rainforest jungle nestled in the heart of paradise. It rains almost every day, but the frequent sunshine and the warmth makes up for that, to the point where you almost forget about it. There is plenty to do and places to check out. For those of you concerned about the volcano, Hilo is not in imminent danger. The lava flows are going south of here. The Vog and air pollutants are going West due to trade winds. Occasionally you can smell sulfur if the trade winds change.There have been a few small earth quakes, which is an interesting experience. Most of them are so small, you just think that you’ve lost your balance before you realize what it is. 

My apartment is great and my roomate is cool, too. We get along very well and enjoy each others company. It is nice to have someone else around to chat with and do things with. 

The hospital I am at is still taking some getting used to. Its like walking into a time warp. Most of the charts are paper (so annoying) and the practices are definitely old school, but that doesn’t necessarilly mean that they are wrong. The doctors come in wearing flip flops and dropping “f bombs” like truck drivers. The staff is like a small family. At the beginning of shift they all hug and kiss and say hello. They all hug and kiss the staff that are finishing their shifts and going home. It’s a very welcoming, warm feeling. Some things they do or say don’t make sense to me, but they appreciate me asking about their language and their culture so that we can undertand each other. They get a kick out of every time I say just about anything because my “Boston” comes out. 

My personal journey is actually pretty great (if you consider a roller coaster ride where you constantly want to puke to be great). I have been doing really well and enjoying all of my free time exploring the island, working out, going to the beach, writing, even meeting new people (some pretty great people). 

I still have moments where I am triggered, reminded about my past and the life I left behind. Moments where I want to throat punch a particular person and just walk away. The truth is that no one knows the truth, except the people involved. No one knows what goes on behind closed doors and when everyone else looks at YOUR situation through rose colored glasses, then it’s easy for them to make judgement calls, or to pass blame or to think they know.When you only have some pieces to the puzzle it is impossible to create a whole picture. 

Anyway, enough of the sappy boring crap. The reason I’m writing all this above is because I believe that people today are not allowed to feel like shit. According to societies standards, we always have to have the best of everything, or look perfect. On social media, everyone’s life looks happy and fulfilled. No one ever talks about the bad. The truth is, life is not all about beauty and greatness and happiness. Most of it is filled with straight shit: crisis, and stress, and hardships and struggles. What makes a person remarkable is how they decide to deal with their shit. Do they flush it, or jump in the bowl and swim with it? 

I used to be the one to jump in the bowl and swim until my skin stained brown (hypothetically of course). I would dwell on the negative until it consumed me, drawing me into a deep hole.

 I am working on a process for flushing it. First step- acknowledge the shit. Know it’s there, smell it, face it. Let your brain feel whatever comes- anger, disgust, sadness, nausea. Then, find a way to clear your head. For some that means working out, listening to music, praying. For others it may be to just withdraw and have a god cry. Thats ok too. Lastly, you put that shit back in the toilet, flush it down, wash your hands and walk away. MOVE ON! Don’t let it consume you. Don’t let it define you. 

So here’s to the future! Here’s to moving on! Here’s to true FREEDOM!

Author: NurseEmily

Career driven, single mother trying to sort out this wild ride called life. View all posts by NurseEmily