Partners 

One thing that drives me absolutely bananas is when someone says to me “My wife (or husband, or boyfriend or girlfriend) would never let me do that”.

Wait, what? You have to ask permission from your S.O to do something that you would like to do or want to do? ummm, no. First of all, you’re an adult, and no one has to give you permission for anything. Secondly, as that S.O when your person comes to you with a goal or a plan why would you want to stop them? Unless that person tells you they want to jump off a bridge or throw someone over the side of the grand canyon, you should be there for them as their partner, not trying to crush their hopes.

For the record, I am not saying to just go ahead and do whatever it is you want. You should have some discussion with your partner, but that discussion should not feel like asking for PERMISSION those are two very different things. 

Now, with that being said, I am about as “Type A” as you can get. So I would never approach a partner with a crazy idea (such as becoming a gypsy and traveling the country to work) without some sort of preliminary plan. Something tangibile that they could process and see how it could work. Then the two parties involved could brainstorm and make it a final draft to execute said plan. 

I have learned that you can’t (or shouldn’t) hold anyone back from their dreams. They just end up always wondering and may even resent you. I have also learned that sometimes, in order to carry out your goal, sometimes you have to let somethings (or someone) go. In most cases, that’s probably a good thing. In a small amount of cases, sometimes that letting go hurts like hell. Especially when you feel like the rest of the world has moved on and you are still trying to figure things out.

 People always ask me, “why do you travel alone, don’t you want someone to explore with you ?”  This question also kind of drives me bananas because, quite frankly it’s none of your damn business. But, I have manners and understand most people are well-meaning when they ask. The answer to this is yes, and no. 

Yes because it would be amazing to have a travel buddy to share all of these wonderful places with. Yes because I would have someone other than Siri to talk to somedays, to drag my ass off the couch when I’ve only slept 3 hours in the last two days, or to help with packing and moving every 13 weeks. 

No because unless you are a fellow travel nurse or have a job you can work from home, it is virtually imposible to live this lifestyle and its not fair of me to ask someone to give up their lifestyle. No because I want to make my own decisions about my destination, or anything really. No because I have become accustomed to doing things for myself and by myself (finally). Lastly, no because I dont want to let go again. It is safer to not have someone than to deal with the regret later. 

 I believe everyone should have someone. Even after being divorced, I still believe that. I also believe that everyone is different and the level to which you attach to that person depends on you (and the other person too, I suppose). Some people make better BFFs, some people make better life partners, some people are better travel buddies, some are the total package, some are just good lovers. You get the idea. Just because you have a life long BFF, for example, doesn’t mean that your life was unfufilled because you didnt’t get married and have 2.5 children and a white picket fence. The important thing is that what ever the level of attachment – it must be mututal or else its not going to work. 

In the world of polyamory, there is open communication and mutual agreements amongst all parties so that no one is left out or feeling unhappy. Why shouldn’t the same be true in monogomy?

Because people are afraid, that’s why. Afraid of loving, afraid of rejection, afraid of missing out, afraid of letting go. 

I get it because I’m there too, but that doesn’t stop me from trying, from living. I go out, enjoy the places I go, and meet people. Sometimes it turns out great, and other times it doesn’t. I am working on that part; realizing that not everything in life is going to be ok. Most things in life are not a fairytale. That is not going to stop me from hoping.  

So, the answer to the original question is this: If anyone is going to become my person, they are going to have to fit into this life I have made for myself- the life that makes me happy. They will have to somehow enhance that, or its not worth it. If I found someone who enjoys traveling like me (bonus points if they travel for work, and/or work night shift), lets me pick the places to which we were going to travel (or at least discusses the options with me), and has a mutual respect for my level of independence, and doesn’t hold me back when I have some crazy dream or idea, then I may consider making that person MY person. Until then, I am going to keep doing what I do.