Yes, you can learn to love again.

I have mentioned on here before that I never thought I could fully love someone again after the heartbreak I have been through and the personal struggles with my divorce I have had to overcome. I thought I was going to be a single girl forever, and I had come to terms with that, and was ok with the way my life was going. I was dating guys but nothing too serious. It was actually pretty great. I had learned how to become completely, 100 percent independent. I had learned how to never rely on anyone every again.

Well, little did I know that my life would change one night while scrolling through an online dating app. Ya know, the ones where you swipe right, or swipe left and pick your matches solely based off appearance or how adventurous the profile picture is? Yeah, one of those apps. So anyway, I was swiping, swiping, swiping, and came across this guy- bald head, trim beard, amazing smile, rose-colored cheeks. He was so handsome! Not the kind of man I usually go after, but handsome nonetheless. WE MATCHED! So we got to talking. His name is Nick. He is originally from Michigan, works 2 jobs and has a daughter. He is able to keep up a solid conversation and he’s pretty funny. He was living in Waikaloa village, about an hour and 15 min from Hilo. I was willing to work with that as long as it didn’t interfere with my gym life or my sleeping. We chatted for a few weeks and I was starting to wonder if this conversation back and forth was going to go anywhere, and it just so happened that I was getting ready to fly home for a visit in July when he asked me out on a date, so we had to wait another week, but we maintained our chat while I was away.

I believe we went out the Friday or Saturday night after I returned back in Hawaii. There’s this little pizza shop in Waimea called “Underground Pizza”. A man from Boston and a man from NYC moved to Hawaii and now make amazing pizza in paradise. The restaurant allows you to bring your own drinks, so Nick brought a bottle of wine, and we sat and had pizza and wine and great conversation. Once we were full on pizza and the wine was gone, we decided to drive down the street to the Big Island Brewhaus and have a beer to continue the conversation.

When we left the Brewhaus, I was a little confused actually. We hugged each other, but no first date kiss, no fireworks, no sparks. “Hmmm, well, I guess we’ll see,” I thought to myself. I left there contemplating on my hour ride home, “should I ask him on a second date? Do I wait for him to call me? Is this a ‘one and done’? did he not feel any spark?” All the normal things a girl thinks when she starts to jump off the cliff of curiosity and sink herself into a rabbit hole.

I think it was either that night or the next day that I heard from him again (YAY!). He wanted to have a second date, and since I had driven so far, he was willing to come see me in Hilo. So we had our second date spending the day at Carlsmith beach (one of my favs) and I think we went out to dinner, though I don’t remember where. It might have been Kaleo’s in Pahoa. It went well. We were more comfortable with each other, and laughing and joking and over all enjoying each other’s company.

Funny addition to our second date- I told Nick he could stay at our apartment that night instead of driving home, but he had to crash on the couch! He believed me right up until I was walking to my bedroom, and literally said “you know I was kidding, right?” He was such a gentleman, he never made a single move, he even kept all his clothes on (literally, everything, except his shoes). I was now really confused. What man in their 30s goes to a woman’s house, is told he can sleep over, and then sleeps in all of his clothing and doesn’t try any funny business?? Although I was getting mixed signals, I was quite impressed that he was such a gentleman and didn’t want to make me feel even the slightest bit uncomfortable.

Our third date tops the charts. Nick borrowed his roommates truck, and piled everything we could in the back and hit the beach. We also had Brooke, Alisha and Elise in with us. A couple friends also met us at the beach and we spent the day soaking up the sun and drinking and sharing stories and laughs. We ran back to Nick’s place to shower and change, and we were off to the mountain. We were driving up Mauna Kea, the tallest mountain in the USA from sea level at a whopping 14,000 feet. Just to give you an idea- the mountain peak is up so high that you have to drive an hour, and stop at the visitors center just to acclimate your body to the lack of oxygen. In these moments, as we were driving up the mountain to catch sunset, chatting and trying to hold on and not drive off a cliff, I knew this was going somewhere. Sitting on top of that mountain, and looking out towards the ocean, feeling like you could see the entire earth, I knew then that something just felt right. I was where I was supposed to be- with my amazing friends and a great man and that I was going to be ok. It’s hard to explain, but its like something spiritual took over and I just finally felt some peace and certainty with the way my life was going.

Nick even came home with me this past December for my sister’s wedding (which was beautiful, btw) and met my entire crazy family. He fit right in of course, ha ha!!

So that was where it all started. Nick and I have an amazing connection and a great partnership. He has been more than supportive with letting me continue my dream of being travel nurse. He has dealt with my hesitancies and insecurities and showed me that there are still amazing men out there. He has brought to light my ability to love again and for all of that I am so grateful. We have had one of the most adventurous starts to a relationship that I have ever heard of (I mean, how many people can say they fall in love in paradise?!), and I hope that we continue this amazing adventure together for a very, very long time. Nick, I love you and I can’t wait to see what the future has in store for us! xoxox